Laundry

I do a lot of laundry. Back when I had a family of 5, and overnight company at least once a week, it made sense. But with us two no-longer-sweating elders and one pre-sweating boy (none of whom are really that stoked about changing towels, sheets, or underwear on the previous twice a day routine), I should be able to get it all done once a week.

A mistake was made, however. I refuse to say it was my technogadget startrek influenced husband who pushed me into buying a NEW STATE OF THE ART huge silver set of high efficiency NON washer/NON dryer combo. I mean, what woman who always does all of the laundry would let a non-participant pick out her tools? That would be as stupid as letting him pick out the Vacuum! (luckily, the housekeeper brings her own, because it SUCKS!)

So. Why am I doing laundry all week? And whining? Well, if I put the washer on the quick cycle, the 40 minute slosh in 3 tablespoons of murky water leaves the clothes generally worse than when they went in. To counteract this, I use the extra water/extra rinse/heavy soiled option. This cycle takes just short of 2 hours. And because clothes still come out soapy, I decrease the HIGH EFFICIENCY soap to one teaspoon.

So little soap, however, leaves clothes smelling, um, not fresh. So I put them in the dryer on the "antibacterial" setting, which takes 1hour,45 minutes. And if they still smell when they come out, heck, I just start back at the beginning. And if the stains are still there, this time I add the new stain releasing tabs you can buy to optimize your HE experience.

Did you know, you have to leave the door open on those washers between loads? (banged heads not-with-standing), and you can't leave damp clothes for a couple of hours, or the whole house kicks up a stink. Even then, you have to run the "tank rinse" cycle after each load. (well, how can 2 ounces of water wash clothes AND the tub?

Another little unexplained step to the whole process...not EVERY load, but every few...Look at that little drawer at the bottom of the machine. Now open it up. Now go get a BIG pail and nose plugs. Pull out the rubber hose,remove the plug, and let the gallons of slimy water rush out. (There was never that much in the wash, so where does it come from?) Careful. HAHA next time you will put towels around the opening, because it's going to be a mess. Next, pull out the filter cage, and rinse out the 2 pieces of cat hair you let get into the wash. BAD lady.

The thing is, I don't want all the hassles of this extra efficiency. I just want my old white never say die Maytag set. You could throw the dog peuked on rugs and cat hair mats and grungy socks in, and in 30 minutes have beautifully clean, bright, fresh laundry. You could use any soap. And bleach. But you didn't have to. And you didn't end up with a laundry induced rash for a whole year. Or have to go to a tropical local so you could stay in your never washed bathingsuit and cover-up for 2 weeks for a miracle cure.

What a miserable old lady, eh? I could be beating clothes on the rocks beside the Ganges. Hmm...*&^%%^#$ Thank you, God, for my beautiful country and my beautiful family and my beautiful clothes and my beautiful non-washer and dryer. I AM tryly blessed.